We decided in July to try adding to our family again and were successful (so far). I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant, due right after Keira's birthday at the end of March and anxiously awaiting the anatomy scan which is scheduled for 2 weeks from tomorrow. I'm so hoping this is the last pregnancy we have to go through to bring home our second take-home baby (and second rainbow baby!). Because we didn't do a fun announcement with Tyler or Keira, and never got to announce the last one except to family at Christmas, I decided that I wanted to make the last one count! If something happens at this point, I know it will be a much bigger deal to me than the miscarriage (at 9 weeks) was so I wanted some extra thoughts and prayers before the anatomy scan and decided to share on FB today. The pictures on the side are what I did to announce (I used the very top one). To be honest, it's given me butterflies to know that "everyone" knows now. It's like I have this pressure to keep the baby healthy now, which is so stupid. I've done and will continue to do everything I possibly can to keep the baby healthy (of course) but I know that that isn't always enough. It wasn't for Tyler and it wasn't for the baby I miscarried. #BLMproblems haha! So thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. |
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Second blog in one day...what has come over me?!?! I had my second baby shower this past weekend and it was wonderful. So many people came to celebrate Keira and show their love and support to me. The first one (back home) was much the same. Tons of gifts to start her (and us!) off but the love and support can't be described :) My friend, Ashlee, wrote this absolutely beautiful poem in remembrance of Tyler and wrote it on a decorative plate for us. I had to read it to myself before reading it out loud because I knew I'd cry if I didn't! Thankfully, I was able to hold it together during the shower :) So thoughtful and I really needed it that day. It was hard accepting so many gifts and celebrating Keira. Not that in itself, I guess...that was easy because she IS a blessing and SHOULD be celebrated. It was just hard to keep the "what could have been" thoughts at bay. Tyler was my first and it's more traditional or customary to only have a shower for your first. It's overwhelming to have the excitement for her and the sadness for Tyler at the same time. So I needed him to be acknowledged that day, especially there because so many of the guests at that shower have been 2+ hours away through this whole process. They didn't physically SEE me grieving or SEE me pregnant (or if they did, only a few times) and I always felt like Tyler was less real to them. Not saying anything about THEM because they're my friends and I know they love and care about me. It was just one of those things that I thought too much about and let myself create ideas that had no merit. That was all about the first shower...the one from last weekend...was actually much of the same! My friend who had it for me, the decorating queen, Katy, used bright colors and had it in her home so it was very cozy and comfortable. While looking for diaper bags, I realized that I am pickier than I thought I was. Has anyone tried looking for diaper bags lately? Yuck! They're all cheap and ugly! Or if they're actually pretty, they cost an arm and a leg. It's just an organized, glorified tote bag...why the hassle? So, I decided that I wanted to make my own but had no idea how to go about doing it. As I was telling a friend about it, she informed me that's been sewing for YEARS and it would be no big deal for her to make it for me! As appealing as the offer was, I kind of had it in my head that I wanted to make it myself but would gladly welcome the guidance (okay, flat-out direction!) of an experienced sewer. We decided to get together whenever possible and work on it. Turns out, she's more of a quilter and has made beautiful quilts for herself and other people...it's really her passion in sewing...and she's damn good at it. Little did I know, this sneaky little devil (with a halo) had a little rainbow surprise up her sleeve for ME! At the shower, I opened her card and there was a quote inside it that said, "The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope." As I was reading it, she said, "The quote goes with the gift." Hmmm... I go on to open the gift and it is the most beautiful quilt with rainbow colored squares (in order of Roy G. Biv!) on one side, heart stitching detail, and pink floral print on the other with a little patch titled "After The Storm". I thought I'd do the same trick as I did with the plate at the other shower...I'd read it to myself first, then I wouldn't cry in front of everyone. I was WRONG. I don't know if I even finished the "After The Storm" part before I lost it, but really, at that point it didn't matter. Everyone in that room knew how much it meant to me and I'm pretty sure everyone was crying along with me. I'm in tears now just writing about it. I have no idea how she snuck this by me and it must have taken her and her daughter MONTHS to put this together! Absolutely amazing :)
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Brittany ClarkI'm blogging in hopes of reaching out to other parents who have to face the most heartbreaking experience in life. Archives
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