So to answer the question of why carry a child who won't survive?...Well, it just can't be described.
I have recently come in contact with another momma who had her Potter's baby almost 8 years ago. She joined my Potter's group on Babycenter because she is currently carrying to term her second baby with Potter's. SECOND. After her first angel, Wyatt, she and her husband went on to have 3 healthy girls and were looking forward to completing their family with one more. At her 19 week ultrasound, it was discovered that this baby also had classic Potter's Syndrome, Bilateral Renal Agenesis...same as Tyler. They were also told with Wyatt that it was a fluke. They had genetic testing to see if it was a chromosomal issue, both of mom's kidneys were checked, his cord blood was tested...nothing abnormal. So here she is, 8 years and 3 rainbows later, back to carrying a child knowing he or she would not be coming home with them. She started a blog after this baby was diagnosed and I just caught up on it today (she's been blogging nearly every day since the beginning of December). One of her blogs posts from January was the same title as this one. Coincidentally, I was texting a friend while reading the blogs. As I got to this particular post, my friend said, "...I would have been scared to get pregnant again." I responded by telling her that I absolutely was scared. Terrified actually. But after the deep pain, the rawness of my grief started to subside, I remembered the happiness, love and pride I felt while holding my first born. For awhile after he was born, I didn't cry. Just didn't have the urge to. I became a mommy and my baby was there in front of me crying and breathing. I knew that wouldn't last long, I knew he was going to die. I knew his breathing would slow, his body would slowly get colder and his heart would stop beating...but it didn't matter. In that moment, God had blessed me with the most beautiful human I had ever seen and showed me a love I had never felt, never even knew existed. As much as it still hurts to miss him, I love him just as much as I did in those moments following his birth (maybe even more...is that possible?). So even though it was hard being asked about the pregnancy and baby several times a day, feeling those bittersweet kicks and hiccups all day, the pain of the baby sitting directly on my aching hips and the heavy heart...I would do it all again in a heartbeat if I could just have another hour with that little boy. It was all worth it. I know I've said that a hundred times, but I can't stress it enough. The hardest part of that hospital stay was letting him go, knowing I'd never see my baby again. There are no words to describe the overwhelming emotional pain of carrying a child that you know will die, just as there are no words describing the love a mother has for her child/children. And there are no words to describe what it's like to say goodbye...forever.
So to answer the question of why carry a child who won't survive?...Well, it just can't be described.
5 Comments
Carrie
2/11/2011 11:40:04 am
well said! I'm so lucky to know you.
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Meghan
2/14/2011 12:05:28 am
:( Great blog... I have talked to that Momma on BabyCenter too. It's literally our worst fear, but we would do it all again....
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Jessica S.
2/14/2011 01:12:03 am
This touched me...
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Meredith
2/15/2011 12:30:03 am
What a beautiful post Britt! You always make me smile and bring me back just when I need it most. Like Carrie says...Lucky to know you friend.
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Sarah
9/6/2014 10:15:06 am
re you among those couples who are looking for a Child ? If yes, wipe away your tears and stress that you are passing through so that you may read and understand, am about to tell you that there is a man who save me from such an ambiguous situation. you are finding it difficult to have a child not to talk of getting pregnant. SARAH DANNY from USA is urging you to please hurry now to contact DR, Bethnam on his E-mail [email protected] when a friend told me i doubted but when i try it my problem desapear and now i can shear Testimony, his spell do what they say. Your life will not remain the same again as you E-MIAL [email protected]
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Brittany ClarkI'm blogging in hopes of reaching out to other parents who have to face the most heartbreaking experience in life. Archives
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