[Tuesday September 8, 2009-24 weeks]
Today was my first day back to work since Tyler's diagnosis. It was a really good day to come back, actually. None of us were SUPER busy, so the salon wasn't packed and I left at 2:00 for a Dr. appointment, anyway. Everyone there has my back, too :) I only answered the phone a few times (they wouldn't let me, so sweet) and no sad faces! Well, the lack of sad faces may have been due to the dozen donuts I brought in this morning :D
The appointment went well...I guess. Anyone who's had children knows that they get boring after awhile, and thankfully, mine are no different...I just have more of them. I'm up a total of 7 lbs. (I think) and my blood pressure is good. Tyler's heart rate was about 130 bpm, about the same as last time. I'm starting to measure small, but that's "normal" under the circumstances. Another ultrasound soon to check on my little guy's position and glucose test next appointment.
~Brittany
The appointment went well...I guess. Anyone who's had children knows that they get boring after awhile, and thankfully, mine are no different...I just have more of them. I'm up a total of 7 lbs. (I think) and my blood pressure is good. Tyler's heart rate was about 130 bpm, about the same as last time. I'm starting to measure small, but that's "normal" under the circumstances. Another ultrasound soon to check on my little guy's position and glucose test next appointment.
~Brittany
[Thursday September 17, 2009-25 weeks]
Everyday is a little easier. Two days last week were pretty rough, but nothing too bad so far this week. And it's amazing how incredibly awkward it is to talk about right now. When telling someone about the situation and what will inevitably happen to Tyler, there's an uncomfortable silence. On one hand, it's natural to be excited about a pregnancy but not when it's guaranteed to end like this. On the other, there's no need to say, "I'm so sorry..." because I'm not grieving, I haven't lost anything. This pregnancy is continuing like any other, we just have information. I dreaded the awkwardness at first, but really, it stops people in their tracks because there's nothing more to say about it...so it keeps the focus off of me.
I had another appointment Monday (I go every week now). I had to drink that orange, sugary stuff and have blood taken for the glucose test. My blood pressure was normal, I gained a pound and Tyler's heart rate was 144 bpm. A nurse from the office called to let me know the glucose results came back and everything was fine, but they wanted to check my platelets during my next visit because they might be low. I'm also getting an ultrasound at that appointment to check his position.
There have been lots of responses from this website and I want to thank everyone. I can't believe the support we're receiving, but appreciating every bit of it! This is Tyler's story and even though it's devastating to lose a child, my only hope is that he's understood, loved and can help someone else faced with a predicament like this. I've been lucky enough to meet other women on babycenter.com that have been through or are going through this very thing and they have helped me understand what's going on and that all the feelings I have are completely normal. It's my job to continue providing that support and let other women know they aren't alone either.
On a brighter note...I'm an aunt again!!! My (future) sister-in-law and brother just had their first baby on Friday and one of my VERY best friends had her first on Tuesday!!! Jim and I will get to meet them this weekend when we go up for a visit. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous about the being around these newborn baby boys. But these people and these babies mean so much to me, I'm pretty sure it'll be ok. Jim might have to deal with me in the car when we leave, but he always says the right things to make me feel better and calm me down :)
~Brittany
P.S. I figured out this weird thing I can do with my stomach! If I suck in the top (where the baby ISN'T!) it makes the "baby pouch" stick out...omg, it's gross and hilarious all at the same time! I'll post a pic under Preggers Pix :)
I had another appointment Monday (I go every week now). I had to drink that orange, sugary stuff and have blood taken for the glucose test. My blood pressure was normal, I gained a pound and Tyler's heart rate was 144 bpm. A nurse from the office called to let me know the glucose results came back and everything was fine, but they wanted to check my platelets during my next visit because they might be low. I'm also getting an ultrasound at that appointment to check his position.
There have been lots of responses from this website and I want to thank everyone. I can't believe the support we're receiving, but appreciating every bit of it! This is Tyler's story and even though it's devastating to lose a child, my only hope is that he's understood, loved and can help someone else faced with a predicament like this. I've been lucky enough to meet other women on babycenter.com that have been through or are going through this very thing and they have helped me understand what's going on and that all the feelings I have are completely normal. It's my job to continue providing that support and let other women know they aren't alone either.
On a brighter note...I'm an aunt again!!! My (future) sister-in-law and brother just had their first baby on Friday and one of my VERY best friends had her first on Tuesday!!! Jim and I will get to meet them this weekend when we go up for a visit. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous about the being around these newborn baby boys. But these people and these babies mean so much to me, I'm pretty sure it'll be ok. Jim might have to deal with me in the car when we leave, but he always says the right things to make me feel better and calm me down :)
~Brittany
P.S. I figured out this weird thing I can do with my stomach! If I suck in the top (where the baby ISN'T!) it makes the "baby pouch" stick out...omg, it's gross and hilarious all at the same time! I'll post a pic under Preggers Pix :)
[Tuesday September 22, 2009-26 weeks]
I had an appointment yesterday and everything went pretty well. My blood pressure was normal and we got to see his little heart beating like crazy in the ultrasound :) He is definitely breech...his "noggin" (as my doc called it-lol) was on the top right of my uterus. No big deal, he should have plenty of time to adjust. I had more blood taken because of the platelet count, which I found out is only about 8% lower than what it should be...I'm not too worried :) And I gained another few pounds (3, maybe...). Next week, I go to the OB so that I can meet him (he's the only other Dr. here that I will deal with) and he'll do another ultrasound. We'll see how that goes :)
The baby visiting this weekend was a success! No tears :) Seeing them wasn't bad, but holding a newborn brought up some sad feelings. It's rough knowing that when I do get to hold Tyler, it won't be for long. I saw a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep picture of a Potter's baby with the caption being something about the baby having a round trip ticket to Heaven. If that doesn't make your heart ache, I don't know what will. I don't mean to be sad on this journal, but everyday is a struggle. No mother should have to lose her baby, even if he is going to a place we all wish we could be. I don't care how much warning and time I have, I don't think I'll ever be ready for this.
We can't thank everyone enough for their continued support. I really hope this is the worst thing we will ever have to go through in our lives.
~Brittany
The baby visiting this weekend was a success! No tears :) Seeing them wasn't bad, but holding a newborn brought up some sad feelings. It's rough knowing that when I do get to hold Tyler, it won't be for long. I saw a Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep picture of a Potter's baby with the caption being something about the baby having a round trip ticket to Heaven. If that doesn't make your heart ache, I don't know what will. I don't mean to be sad on this journal, but everyday is a struggle. No mother should have to lose her baby, even if he is going to a place we all wish we could be. I don't care how much warning and time I have, I don't think I'll ever be ready for this.
We can't thank everyone enough for their continued support. I really hope this is the worst thing we will ever have to go through in our lives.
~Brittany
[Wednesday September 23, 2009]
While Jim and I were home this weekend, Karla mentioned that there was another couple from our home town carrying a baby with Potter's. We all talked about how odd that was considering how rare Potter's is and were wondering how they were doing. We found out tonight that they had the baby on Monday. They got 3 hours with their little boy, Kyler. I think this was their first, too, because other children weren't mentioned in the obituary.
While Jim and I were home this weekend, Karla mentioned that there was another couple from our home town carrying a baby with Potter's. We all talked about how odd that was considering how rare Potter's is and were wondering how they were doing. We found out tonight that they had the baby on Monday. They got 3 hours with their little boy, Kyler. I think this was their first, too, because other children weren't mentioned in the obituary.
[Wednesday September 30, 2009-27 weeks]
We got the results from the platelet test on Thursday and I'm not anemic :) I had an appointment with the OB yesterday. I thought it would be like my other appointments (check protein/sugar, weight, blood pressure, baby's heartbeat) but we just had a consultation. He took quite a bit of time with us and it was nice to finally meet him. We had no idea, but he told us that he, too, lost a son. As terrible as it is that he went through that, it's comforting knowing that he truly knows what we're going through and how we feel. It's not near the same situation, but he suffered the loss of a child and it's important to me that I am able to talk to someone who has been through this completely. I would NEVER say that this is "harder" than a miscarriage, but it's just different and he truly understands that concept. And not hearing Tyler's heartbeat this week made me a little anxious, but he's beating me up to let me know he's doing fine. Our next appointment with our regular Dr. is on Monday, so I'll keep everyone posted!
I talked about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep last week and I thought I'd elaborate. NILMDTS is a non-profit organization that professional photographers can be registered through. These photographers will come to the hospital and offer their services free to parents who have stillborns or terminally ill babies. I found a photographer whose pictures I LOVE, but we were not listed as a service area. I emailed her last week to ask if she would be willing to come here anyway and she agreed! While making plans to meet, she offered a maternity session, as well :) To be honest, and nothing against anyone who has done them, I've always thought that getting "pregnancy pictures" done was a little much and over-the-top. But I have to say, in this situation, the most time we get with Tyler is right now, in utero, so it's just as important to me to have these pictures as it is to have the ones when he's born. So, Jim and I will be getting maternity pictures taken on October 19! If you leave me a comment requesting it, I'll send the url to her website...the shots are absolutely beautiful! I just don't want to post her name or website yet, since I haven't asked her if that's alright.
I've also requested of my regular Dr. that I go back to see the perinatologist to get another level 2 ultrasound and be able to talk with him a little more. Since he's personally had patients carrying a Potter's baby, I'd like to just talk with him a little more and be able to see what's really going on with Tyler right now. His diagnosis was 5 1/2 weeks ago already. I still feel like we just got the news last week...well, aside from the emotional numbness. I don't know about Jim, but sad things used to really upset me. I had no tolerance for dogs dying, miscarriages, any kind of sad story. But now, I think, "Oh, that's too bad..." and don't think about it again. Commercials used to make me cry! It's a weird feeling, the numbness. It's not "insensitivity" per se, maybe just a tougher skin. That's what I'll call it, "tougher skin".
~Brittany
I talked about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep last week and I thought I'd elaborate. NILMDTS is a non-profit organization that professional photographers can be registered through. These photographers will come to the hospital and offer their services free to parents who have stillborns or terminally ill babies. I found a photographer whose pictures I LOVE, but we were not listed as a service area. I emailed her last week to ask if she would be willing to come here anyway and she agreed! While making plans to meet, she offered a maternity session, as well :) To be honest, and nothing against anyone who has done them, I've always thought that getting "pregnancy pictures" done was a little much and over-the-top. But I have to say, in this situation, the most time we get with Tyler is right now, in utero, so it's just as important to me to have these pictures as it is to have the ones when he's born. So, Jim and I will be getting maternity pictures taken on October 19! If you leave me a comment requesting it, I'll send the url to her website...the shots are absolutely beautiful! I just don't want to post her name or website yet, since I haven't asked her if that's alright.
I've also requested of my regular Dr. that I go back to see the perinatologist to get another level 2 ultrasound and be able to talk with him a little more. Since he's personally had patients carrying a Potter's baby, I'd like to just talk with him a little more and be able to see what's really going on with Tyler right now. His diagnosis was 5 1/2 weeks ago already. I still feel like we just got the news last week...well, aside from the emotional numbness. I don't know about Jim, but sad things used to really upset me. I had no tolerance for dogs dying, miscarriages, any kind of sad story. But now, I think, "Oh, that's too bad..." and don't think about it again. Commercials used to make me cry! It's a weird feeling, the numbness. It's not "insensitivity" per se, maybe just a tougher skin. That's what I'll call it, "tougher skin".
~Brittany
[Tuesday October 6, 2009-28 weeks]
Yesterday, I had a regular appointment with my doctor. I've gained a few more pounds (that's 16 total, I think!), my blood pressure is fine and Tyler's heart rate was 138 bpm. I came with a list of questions this time (my poor doctor!). He gave me the name of the head nurse in OB at the hospital and we confirmed my appointment with the perinatologist for next Wednesday, the 14th. I remembered him saying a few appointments ago that my uterus was feeling a little small, which is completely normal in this situation. So, for peace of mind, I asked if he could actually measure me (from top of pubic bone to top of uterus) to see how small I really am. Well...to all of our surprise, I measured 29 weeks! He couldn't believe it either so he measured again...same result. Now I'm really anxious to see the perinatologist next week to see what my little guy is doing in there. And he has been SO active the past 2 weeks! If I wake up in the middle of the night (oh the joys of peeing every 10 minutes while pregnant!), I can hardly go back to sleep because he's moving so much! Or if I'm sitting and hunched over a little, I get a firm kick to sit up or back to make some more room :) I took a bath on Saturday night and as soon as I was comfortable, he started kicking like crazy. He was kicking so hard that it shook all the water in the tub! haha
Before that appointment yesterday, I called the funeral home we are going through to have Tyler cremated. That appointment was at 4 o'clock today. We decided to do a small birth announcement/obit for the local paper because of my job. (We're hoping that it might make my return to work a little easier.) So we got all the information for that done while we were there. They agreed to take him directly from us at the hospital when we are ready, so we know exactly where he's going. They aren't charging anything for their services except their cost for the cremation (it's done elsewhere) and will bring his ashes directly to our house, if we so choose. They were absolutely wonderful and very accommodating for our situation. I was ok while we were there, but it really hit me as we were walking across the street. As we were leaving a funeral home to make cremation plans for our son. I know that I'm not alone. I know that Jim and I aren't the first parents who have ever lost a child and make plans like this, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's no comfort to know that someone else has had to go through this, too. It was 6 weeks ago yesterday, that we found out Tyler has Potter's and I thought it would get better. We are better than we were the first week we found out, but it's stayed the same since then.
This weekend will be the last time I go back home until after Tyler is born. It's getting close to the average time when Potter's babies are born and I don't want to risk being away from my doctor and in a hospital where they don't know the situation. That could be disastrous. So I'm going to try to spend as much time with close friends and family as I can. My doctor also agreed to have his staff make copies of all of my records so I can take that with me, just in case.
~Brittany
Before that appointment yesterday, I called the funeral home we are going through to have Tyler cremated. That appointment was at 4 o'clock today. We decided to do a small birth announcement/obit for the local paper because of my job. (We're hoping that it might make my return to work a little easier.) So we got all the information for that done while we were there. They agreed to take him directly from us at the hospital when we are ready, so we know exactly where he's going. They aren't charging anything for their services except their cost for the cremation (it's done elsewhere) and will bring his ashes directly to our house, if we so choose. They were absolutely wonderful and very accommodating for our situation. I was ok while we were there, but it really hit me as we were walking across the street. As we were leaving a funeral home to make cremation plans for our son. I know that I'm not alone. I know that Jim and I aren't the first parents who have ever lost a child and make plans like this, but that doesn't make it any easier. It's no comfort to know that someone else has had to go through this, too. It was 6 weeks ago yesterday, that we found out Tyler has Potter's and I thought it would get better. We are better than we were the first week we found out, but it's stayed the same since then.
This weekend will be the last time I go back home until after Tyler is born. It's getting close to the average time when Potter's babies are born and I don't want to risk being away from my doctor and in a hospital where they don't know the situation. That could be disastrous. So I'm going to try to spend as much time with close friends and family as I can. My doctor also agreed to have his staff make copies of all of my records so I can take that with me, just in case.
~Brittany
[Tuesday October 13, 2009-29 weeks]
This weekend back home was wonderful! I didn't realize I missed everyone so much! It was so nice to be surrounded with so much support and not have to deal with telling every person I see the entire situation for the thousandth time in one day... It was definitely the time away that I needed :) I only had two times the whole weekend, where my heart really ached for the whole ordeal. I think that's pretty darn good!
We go back to Peoria tomorrow morning to see the perinatologist. I have a list of questions for him and Jim and I are going to pick up the last few things for Tyler while we're there near civilization :) We're going to pick out his outfit, blanket, scrapbook/photo album and a few other things. Then I think we'll be ready to pack a hospital bag. I'm anxious to start on a scrapbook for him so that it's ready to just put his things into when the time comes.
I found out last night that my cousin's neighbor (and close friends) just found out on the 8th that their baby also has Potter's. It's crazy how once you are aware of something so rare, it seems to pop up everywhere! They, too, have decided to carry their little one to term. Again, I hope that Tyler's story can bring some comfort and support so this couple knows that they are not alone. They seem to be in a good place and are positive about trying to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.
Jim finally got to SEE Tyler moving around and kicking tonight! We were watching the Hell's Kitchen finale (oh yeah!), and I leaned back on the couch and exposed "the bump" when he started moving all around and called Jim over! We both just watched and giggled at how weird it is to see him in there :) My mom and sister got to see on Sunday morning, too. Just amazes me. I'm so happy that God has given me this chance to enjoy every little moment we have with Tyler, even before he's born. I feel so blessed to have been guided to continue the pregnancy and let Him take care of us. Tyler has touched so many lives already and I'm so proud to say he's my son.
I feel all of your support and prayers, I really do! So keep 'em comin!
~Brittany
We go back to Peoria tomorrow morning to see the perinatologist. I have a list of questions for him and Jim and I are going to pick up the last few things for Tyler while we're there near civilization :) We're going to pick out his outfit, blanket, scrapbook/photo album and a few other things. Then I think we'll be ready to pack a hospital bag. I'm anxious to start on a scrapbook for him so that it's ready to just put his things into when the time comes.
I found out last night that my cousin's neighbor (and close friends) just found out on the 8th that their baby also has Potter's. It's crazy how once you are aware of something so rare, it seems to pop up everywhere! They, too, have decided to carry their little one to term. Again, I hope that Tyler's story can bring some comfort and support so this couple knows that they are not alone. They seem to be in a good place and are positive about trying to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.
Jim finally got to SEE Tyler moving around and kicking tonight! We were watching the Hell's Kitchen finale (oh yeah!), and I leaned back on the couch and exposed "the bump" when he started moving all around and called Jim over! We both just watched and giggled at how weird it is to see him in there :) My mom and sister got to see on Sunday morning, too. Just amazes me. I'm so happy that God has given me this chance to enjoy every little moment we have with Tyler, even before he's born. I feel so blessed to have been guided to continue the pregnancy and let Him take care of us. Tyler has touched so many lives already and I'm so proud to say he's my son.
I feel all of your support and prayers, I really do! So keep 'em comin!
~Brittany
[Thursday October 15, 2009]
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, as October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Please think of anyone you know who has lost a child and remember and honor that child. Even though they are gone, they were still a person and deserve that recognition.
Yesterday was our appointment in Peoria with the perinatologist. He, of course, confirmed lack of kidneys and very underdeveloped bladder, took some measurements (Tyler's estimated weight is 2lbs. 10oz!) and pictures and answered all of our questions. Tyler's heart is big for his chest size, but the doc said that's "normal" and it's still strong :) He's starting to get a little restricted, but he's not in pain or anything (you'd be able to tell from the heart rate) and it's not like HE knows he should have more room or fluid around him. He's like his momma, he's comfortable in the "fetal position"...ok bad joke, but I like to sleep that way too! He's still breech, but the doc said that the type of breech he's in will be fine for delivery...no c-section! He had no estimate for how much longer Tyler will stay in there or whether he would even make it to labor...but we're hoping he can hold on through the delivery so he can be with us for a little while at least.
After leaving the medical center, we went to Baby Depot to find a blanket, outfit and photo album. It's crazy how different it feels to look at baby clothes and know that that's the ONLY outfit he's going to wear. It's a little more stressful and sad. It has to be perfect. It has to make me think of Tyler. It has to have a little of me and a little of Jim. We found one we both liked, but now I'm not so sure about it. Since we're going to have the maternity pictures taken on Monday, we'll walk through the mall there and see if anything catches our eye. We did pick out a blanket though. It's all satin on one side and SUPER soft microfiber with satin trim on the other. It's a pretty blue, not quite "baby" blue, just a little bit darker. The photo album holds 200 pictures (I asked Jim, "Do you think 200 is enough?" lol) and the outside has a little place for a picture with the words "Thank Heaven for Little Boys" all around it. It's all white with blue polka dots and around the spine is blue and white stripes with a baby blue ribbon and bow separating the two patterns. I should just post pictures! haha I also wanted to make sure to get handprint molds and a scrapbook while we were in Peoria, so we went to Michael's after lunch (OLIVE GARDEN!!!) and picked up those things and plenty of scrapbook junk :) The scrapbook is made to be personalized with letter stickers so as soon as we got home I put Tyler's name in it. It's adorable :) The book is white, blue and green stripes...and if anyone wants to help me out with this thing, that'd be great! I've never scrapbooked before and I don't want it to look tacky! haha
After talking it over tonight, we've also decided that we're not going to have Tyler's ashes buried. We don't know where we're going to end up moving after Jim finishes his MBA (we could be on the other side of the country for all we know) and we don't want to leave Tyler behind. We're going to keep his ashes with us, so we never leave him. We hope everyone can support us in this decision, as we can see some not being content with not having a burial/memorial service.
I hope everyone has a good weekend and I'll have much more to write about on Monday after another doc appointment and a photo shoot ;)
~Brittany
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, as October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Please think of anyone you know who has lost a child and remember and honor that child. Even though they are gone, they were still a person and deserve that recognition.
Yesterday was our appointment in Peoria with the perinatologist. He, of course, confirmed lack of kidneys and very underdeveloped bladder, took some measurements (Tyler's estimated weight is 2lbs. 10oz!) and pictures and answered all of our questions. Tyler's heart is big for his chest size, but the doc said that's "normal" and it's still strong :) He's starting to get a little restricted, but he's not in pain or anything (you'd be able to tell from the heart rate) and it's not like HE knows he should have more room or fluid around him. He's like his momma, he's comfortable in the "fetal position"...ok bad joke, but I like to sleep that way too! He's still breech, but the doc said that the type of breech he's in will be fine for delivery...no c-section! He had no estimate for how much longer Tyler will stay in there or whether he would even make it to labor...but we're hoping he can hold on through the delivery so he can be with us for a little while at least.
After leaving the medical center, we went to Baby Depot to find a blanket, outfit and photo album. It's crazy how different it feels to look at baby clothes and know that that's the ONLY outfit he's going to wear. It's a little more stressful and sad. It has to be perfect. It has to make me think of Tyler. It has to have a little of me and a little of Jim. We found one we both liked, but now I'm not so sure about it. Since we're going to have the maternity pictures taken on Monday, we'll walk through the mall there and see if anything catches our eye. We did pick out a blanket though. It's all satin on one side and SUPER soft microfiber with satin trim on the other. It's a pretty blue, not quite "baby" blue, just a little bit darker. The photo album holds 200 pictures (I asked Jim, "Do you think 200 is enough?" lol) and the outside has a little place for a picture with the words "Thank Heaven for Little Boys" all around it. It's all white with blue polka dots and around the spine is blue and white stripes with a baby blue ribbon and bow separating the two patterns. I should just post pictures! haha I also wanted to make sure to get handprint molds and a scrapbook while we were in Peoria, so we went to Michael's after lunch (OLIVE GARDEN!!!) and picked up those things and plenty of scrapbook junk :) The scrapbook is made to be personalized with letter stickers so as soon as we got home I put Tyler's name in it. It's adorable :) The book is white, blue and green stripes...and if anyone wants to help me out with this thing, that'd be great! I've never scrapbooked before and I don't want it to look tacky! haha
After talking it over tonight, we've also decided that we're not going to have Tyler's ashes buried. We don't know where we're going to end up moving after Jim finishes his MBA (we could be on the other side of the country for all we know) and we don't want to leave Tyler behind. We're going to keep his ashes with us, so we never leave him. We hope everyone can support us in this decision, as we can see some not being content with not having a burial/memorial service.
I hope everyone has a good weekend and I'll have much more to write about on Monday after another doc appointment and a photo shoot ;)
~Brittany
[Tuesday October 20, 2009-30 weeks]
It is currently 5 a.m. and I've been awake since around 3. I have no idea why. I know I'm tired, I had a long day yesterday (but a good one!). I had to mail a few things and pay property tax (gag) before I went to the salon and had a coworker touch up my color (bless her heart, I had a foot of outgrowth!). Then I rushed home to change so we could go to have the maternity shoot with the NILMDTS photographer, then back here for a dr. appointment! The photographer was wonderful (and looked great for just having a baby!) and her assistant was very sweet as well. The studio was beautiful and her pictures were amazing! She seemed happy to do the style of pictures I like and didn't make Jim take his shirt off...even though I know he would have liked to ;) It was so nice to talk to her, get a feel for her personality before meeting her at the hospital when it'll be more stressful.
The Dr. appointment went well...I guess. My blood pressure was good, still measuring 29 weeks (hmmm), and Tyler's heart rate is still around 132 bpm. The perinatologist put in his report to my regular dr. that there was "no measurable fluid" from the u/s that he did. We already knew that, but didn't specifically ask before we left. And we had to wait for over an hour just to see the Dr. b/c there are SO many sick kids right now. I can't remember the exact number, but I think he said well over 100 kids just in this district were out today! And, of course, we were surrounded by them in the waiting room :P Jim just got over a cold and I've been fighting one since Friday, so I don't think we can get sicker, right? I think I've washed my hands more in the past week than I have in a whole month! Gotta love working with the public!
~Brittany
The Dr. appointment went well...I guess. My blood pressure was good, still measuring 29 weeks (hmmm), and Tyler's heart rate is still around 132 bpm. The perinatologist put in his report to my regular dr. that there was "no measurable fluid" from the u/s that he did. We already knew that, but didn't specifically ask before we left. And we had to wait for over an hour just to see the Dr. b/c there are SO many sick kids right now. I can't remember the exact number, but I think he said well over 100 kids just in this district were out today! And, of course, we were surrounded by them in the waiting room :P Jim just got over a cold and I've been fighting one since Friday, so I don't think we can get sicker, right? I think I've washed my hands more in the past week than I have in a whole month! Gotta love working with the public!
~Brittany
[Saturday October 24, 2009]
We got a little surprise in the mail today :) While I was at work, Jim left me a voicemail telling me that something had come in the mail and I would really like it. Ummm, MATERNITY PICTURES!?!? Indeed, it was! So the rest of the day at work, I wanted to leave and just go home and see them!!! They are wonderful! She sent a dvd slideshow, a cd of images for print and a very sweet card. I will post some of the pictures here!! They are absolutely beautiful! Until next week...
~Brittany
We got a little surprise in the mail today :) While I was at work, Jim left me a voicemail telling me that something had come in the mail and I would really like it. Ummm, MATERNITY PICTURES!?!? Indeed, it was! So the rest of the day at work, I wanted to leave and just go home and see them!!! They are wonderful! She sent a dvd slideshow, a cd of images for print and a very sweet card. I will post some of the pictures here!! They are absolutely beautiful! Until next week...
~Brittany
[Tuesday October 27, 2009-31 weeks]
So...still VERY much in love with these maternity pictures! I had them all printed yesterday and I can't stop looking at them! I could not be happier with the way they turned out :) I feel like she captured the best of both of us and they're just classy, not cheesy at all. She really portrayed the beauty of pregnancy but we still had fun in celebrating Tyler. I owe her so much :)
The Dr. appointment went well yesterday...everything is the same as usual. And we didn't have to wait for 15,000 sick kids! haha Oh those poor doctors!
Over the past week, Jim and I decided we are going to make a Build-A-Bear and put Tyler's ashes inside the bear! We picked out a metal cube urn with a praying little boy on the front, so it'll fit inside the bear the best. This way Tyler still gets a teddy bear...every kid needs a teddy bear!
~Brittany
The Dr. appointment went well yesterday...everything is the same as usual. And we didn't have to wait for 15,000 sick kids! haha Oh those poor doctors!
Over the past week, Jim and I decided we are going to make a Build-A-Bear and put Tyler's ashes inside the bear! We picked out a metal cube urn with a praying little boy on the front, so it'll fit inside the bear the best. This way Tyler still gets a teddy bear...every kid needs a teddy bear!
~Brittany
[Tuesday November 3, 2009-32 weeks]
First, thank you everyone for all the comments on Tyler's Build-A-Bear idea! I can't believe how many people have mentioned it :) Thank you babycenter for that idea. Also, this weekend we ordered another outfit for him. Since I wasn't 100% sold on the other one, I found a really cute (and kind of plain) onesie online and it came in today! I also got our hospital bag packed this weekend. I'm sure I need to add some things to it, but I will as I think of it. All the necessities are in it though: Tyler's lotion, outfits, hand/foot molds, blanket with his name embroidered on it, booties from his aunt Tara, video camera and digital camera with full batteries and chargers, my travel bag (toothpaste/body wash/shampoo, etc.) and a set of clothes for me (including extra socks!). I don't want to bring a huge bag and and tons of clothes when we may only be there a day. Plus, we'll have so much family here that we can always have someone come over to the house and grab something if we need it. The luxury of living 4 blocks from the hospital!
Yesterday's appointment went well. I didn't gain any weight this week (woo-hoo!) and Tyler's heart rate was the same. I found a study about kidney problems through the Potter's Syndrome facebook group a few weeks ago and had my Dr. look into it b/c they won't give information to "patients"...yeah, weird, I know. But after he read through it, he got the impression that it was more of a study of the parents to see if there is any correlation between genetics and kidney abnormalities. I know that in some kidney conditions there are, but it's not said that there is in Potter's. As long as they don't want an autopsy done or anything, we're pretty willing to help with research. Anything to have more information and possibly prevent this from happening to anyone else. Also, all last week I was feeling something different going on in the Tyler cave and described it to the Dr. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was braxton hicks or if I was just feeling him move differently than he had been. He thinks it was probably braxton hicks, and they were irregular, so it's definitely nothing to worry about. I could feel something, just not painful. The little guy is getting hiccups at least twice a day! It's the funniest thing...I just imagine what he looks like all curled up hiccuping :)
~Brittany
Yesterday's appointment went well. I didn't gain any weight this week (woo-hoo!) and Tyler's heart rate was the same. I found a study about kidney problems through the Potter's Syndrome facebook group a few weeks ago and had my Dr. look into it b/c they won't give information to "patients"...yeah, weird, I know. But after he read through it, he got the impression that it was more of a study of the parents to see if there is any correlation between genetics and kidney abnormalities. I know that in some kidney conditions there are, but it's not said that there is in Potter's. As long as they don't want an autopsy done or anything, we're pretty willing to help with research. Anything to have more information and possibly prevent this from happening to anyone else. Also, all last week I was feeling something different going on in the Tyler cave and described it to the Dr. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was braxton hicks or if I was just feeling him move differently than he had been. He thinks it was probably braxton hicks, and they were irregular, so it's definitely nothing to worry about. I could feel something, just not painful. The little guy is getting hiccups at least twice a day! It's the funniest thing...I just imagine what he looks like all curled up hiccuping :)
~Brittany
[Wednesday November 11, 2009-33 weeks]
The appointment on Monday went well. I had him check my cervix because the bh contractions were a little more intense toward the end of the week. He said there was no dilation, so that's good! Helps me relax a little. Everything else was the same.
I finally called and made an appointment for tomorrow with the head nurse of the OB. She was really nice on the phone and I'm glad we're finally meeting with her. We'll just go over what we want, ideally and how we want to handle the not-so-ideal situations that may arise.
Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days I've had since the week we found out. I'm not exactly sure why, but I just didn't feel right on Monday either. I woke up yesterday morning and looked at facebook statuses and saw one of the other Potter's mommies was in labor. *She's from the St. Louis area and her due date was December 1 (36 weeks). She had her angel around 1:30pm and he was with them for a little over an hour.* Out of the women who were carrying to term that I've been talking to, she's the third one to have her baby and 2 of them were due after me. Add that to the way I was already feeling and I had a little bit of a breakdown and had to come home. I wasn't home very long when my mom called and we had a nice long chat and she's coming down on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that. I wish I could go back home for the weekend...I miss everyone so much and it makes me feel better to be there. We've lived in here 4 1/2 years and have been living in this house 3, but up north still feels like "home".
~Brittany
I finally called and made an appointment for tomorrow with the head nurse of the OB. She was really nice on the phone and I'm glad we're finally meeting with her. We'll just go over what we want, ideally and how we want to handle the not-so-ideal situations that may arise.
Yesterday was probably one of the hardest days I've had since the week we found out. I'm not exactly sure why, but I just didn't feel right on Monday either. I woke up yesterday morning and looked at facebook statuses and saw one of the other Potter's mommies was in labor. *She's from the St. Louis area and her due date was December 1 (36 weeks). She had her angel around 1:30pm and he was with them for a little over an hour.* Out of the women who were carrying to term that I've been talking to, she's the third one to have her baby and 2 of them were due after me. Add that to the way I was already feeling and I had a little bit of a breakdown and had to come home. I wasn't home very long when my mom called and we had a nice long chat and she's coming down on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that. I wish I could go back home for the weekend...I miss everyone so much and it makes me feel better to be there. We've lived in here 4 1/2 years and have been living in this house 3, but up north still feels like "home".
~Brittany
[Saturday November 14, 2009]
I had SUCH a good time with the fam today! My mom, brothers, sister, sister-in-law, nephew and gpa (where Tyler got his middle name) all came down and it was nice to see everyone!
~Brittany
I had SUCH a good time with the fam today! My mom, brothers, sister, sister-in-law, nephew and gpa (where Tyler got his middle name) all came down and it was nice to see everyone!
~Brittany
[Tuesday November 17, 2009-34 weeks]
Yesterday's appointment went well. Again, nothing new...everything was normal. One of my sisters-in-law came down (around 2pm yesterday) to stay and hang out with me today since Jim would be in Chicago all day for work and I stayed home. We watched HGTV and I crocheted ALL DAY! It was wonderful, I'm not gonna lie! I'm starting to think I may only work until Thanksgiving if I haven't had Tyler yet. I'm feeling ok physically, but it's getting emotionally harder everyday. Well, except the past 3 days since I've been sitting on my bum at home! :) I'm just spending quality time with Copper and Foxxy ;)
The Potter's mommy from St. Louis is doing pretty well, in case anyone was wondering :)
~Brittany
The Potter's mommy from St. Louis is doing pretty well, in case anyone was wondering :)
~Brittany
[Friday November 20, 2009]
In the mail today, I received a package from Meghan, the Potter's mommy who gave me the idea for this website. It included a very sweet note explaining how her friend made blankets for other mommies of angels that Meghan has met, including me! I'll post a picture as soon as I take one (not tonight, I'm exhausted!). It's light green and white and BEAUTIFUL! I'm so overwhelmed at such a thoughtful gift. Thank you Meghan <3
~Brittany
~Brittany
[Tuesday November 24, 2009-35 weeks]
My appointment went well, nothing too exciting :) My doc checked my cervix again...no change (ugh, that was for nothing!). If you didn't notice from the picture, little Tyler has dropped (or moved) significantly in the last week. When we were looking for his heartbeat, we found it way lower (on my stomach) than usual which means he's turning or just dropping. Hopefully turning :) So he will schedule me an u/s with the OB here so we can check Tyler's position and see what he's doing in there. I haven't gotten the appointment on that yet, so I don't know when that will be.
I did end up talking to my boss last week and tomorrow is my last day! I go in at noon and I'm done at 6! It will be so nice not to talk to people all day. I never thought I'd say that, but I just can't do it. I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted at this point, I just want to be alone with my hubby and my doggies. This has, BY FAR, been the worst part so far. That numb feeling went out the window once I hit the 32 week mark. The time has gone by so. unbelievably. slow. the past 3 weeks. I feel like I'm about 40 weeks at this point. I guess I let the anticipation of "32-36 weeks" really get to me. It will be a nice relief not to worry about work after tomorrow.
Since going up north, and 2 1/2 hours from my doctor, for Thanksgiving doesn't sound like a safe idea, some friends of ours have invited us to their family's dinner :) We're lucky to have so much love and support :)
~Brittany
I did end up talking to my boss last week and tomorrow is my last day! I go in at noon and I'm done at 6! It will be so nice not to talk to people all day. I never thought I'd say that, but I just can't do it. I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted at this point, I just want to be alone with my hubby and my doggies. This has, BY FAR, been the worst part so far. That numb feeling went out the window once I hit the 32 week mark. The time has gone by so. unbelievably. slow. the past 3 weeks. I feel like I'm about 40 weeks at this point. I guess I let the anticipation of "32-36 weeks" really get to me. It will be a nice relief not to worry about work after tomorrow.
Since going up north, and 2 1/2 hours from my doctor, for Thanksgiving doesn't sound like a safe idea, some friends of ours have invited us to their family's dinner :) We're lucky to have so much love and support :)
~Brittany
[Wednesday November 25, 2009]
My doc called and let me know there was an opening with the OB today, so I made arrangements with work and went for the u/s. Tyler is still breech, but we found out he's "frank" breech which means his butt is low with his head at the top right and his arms and legs all on my left side. He also noticed the cord was "around" Tyler's neck, meaning in the area, but not sure if it was wrapped around it. That kind of worries me since it may prevent a vaginal delivery, but we'll see when the time comes. He also saw a black pocket, which usually means fluid...something we haven't seen on an u/s this whole pregnancy. It looked like it was in the bladder, which would indicate there had to be kidneys, or at least one, with some kind of function for there to be fluid in the bladder. Or it could be a cyst, or it could be something in the bowels. Seeing this changes some things. He said he didn't want to give us false hope, because we had 3 u/s's confirming the diagnosis, but he didn't feel comfortable not looking more into it to find out what the pocket on the u/s was. If there is a chance, we need to re-evaluate if we want him to be delivered in Peoria where there is a better NICU. But even if there is some kidney function after all this time, would there be enough amnio fluid and lung function/development to sustain his life even with all the help of NICU? So he referred us back to the specialist in Peoria just to make sure, since it had been since October last we saw him. That appointment is for Monday between 9 and 11 a.m. He doesn't have and is not taking appointments that day, so whenever we make it over there, he will do the u/s for us. So, at this point we just wait and see what he says. Ugh, that changes everything. We were so sure, and accepted the plan and now we are back to square one. We're just going to try to stay calm and not let the "what-ifs" get to us. I'm pretty sure it was a cyst or something in Tyler's bowels. There was no fluid around him, so how would it have gotten INSIDE him?
Prayers needed!
~Brittany
Prayers needed!
~Brittany