Our ultimate goal, since deciding to have children, has always been for me to stay home with them eventually. That feeling has never been so strong than at this point. I wasn't ready to go back to work in January (after maternity leave), but I wasn't ever going to be. If I could have stayed in bed for the rest of my life, I probably would have. That's a mixture of post-partum depression and losing your reason to live life and pursue happiness. BUT, going back to work was good for me (and for other women suffering loss) because I needed to be slapped in the face with reality. The rest of the world wasn't going to stand still because Brittany Clark in Illinois lost her son. I, on the other hand, had no choice but to be consumed by it. If I didn't embrace and allow myself to feel the way I needed to feel in those moments...when would that grief come out? So even though it was good for me to go back to work, it's not where I want to be now. My last day is October 2. The past year has changed my focus and I just want to take care of my family, plan for our future and learn to cook more than hamburger helper! (Ok, I can cook more than that...but not much!) I'll miss most of my clients and my coworkers, for sure, but I feel like this is the best for me and I'll never know for sure unless I try. So wish me luck!
I'm blogging in hopes of reaching out to other parents who have to face the most heartbreaking experience in life.