From Thanksgiving until now is probably the lowest I've been since the first few months after Tyler died. I'm emotional, snappy, bitter and whole lot of angry. And if you're one of those people who has told me that I'm "ungrateful" or that I need to "just be happy"...shove it. When your first born is taken away from you and you have to LIVE YOUR LIFE without them for a whole year, THEN you can pass judgment. But until that happens, and I hope it never does, keep your trap shut. People who have never lost a child will never understand the emotional turmoil I have to live with every day of my life. It's so true what they say about how a million compliments are forgotten because that one negative comment will stick with you.
It wouldn't surprise me not to get a single comment on this blog, and I'm totally fine with that. But after a few close friends asking why I haven't posted...well, girls, this is why. This is all I have to say. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm uncomfortable with this whole "be happy because you are going to have a baby" thing. But those loss mommas who "get" this whole post, I really hope it doesn't make YOU sad because I know how much you care. I appreciate your concern from the bottom of my heart. To Meghan, I want to congratulate you on your rainbow pregnancy...you have waited TOO long for this and I couldn't be happier for you and Kyle. To Carrie, I want to congratulate you on bringing your rainbow baby HOME!!! A journey that started so long ago and now she has the most beautiful, healthy (and CHUBBY!!!!) little guy a girl could ask for.
One of my besties from home, Jessica, sent these on Tyler's birthday. Don't mind all the crap in the background...I just happened to have great lighting right there for the picture. Jess, I can't tell you how much it means to me that you remembered and acknowledged Tyler on his birthday.
My new BLM friend, Meredith, released balloons on Tyler's birthday. Thank you so much, Meredith!
(Sorry about showing off her car! But it was the best one to show all of the balloons because it was windy that day :)