Contrary to old-school mentality, talking about our deceased children is healing and healthy. Hiding your feelings and pretending you're "fine", when you're torn up inside, is not. How do I know this? Because I HAVE EXPERIENCED IT. You know when I was at my worst in my grief? When I didn't know how to handle it, so I hid it behind a fake smile and mindless chatter. When did I start feeling better? When I let myself just cry. When I let myself be angry. When I allowed the hurt to come out. Once I released it, I started feeling better. I will not bury my emotions to protect other people from being uncomfortable. Quite frankly, I don't care if pictures of Tyler in MY house make anyone uncomfortable. It's my house with my husband and we will choose what goes on in it. If my tears make you uncomfortable, you're being selfish. If I cry, it's not because of YOU, it's because I have, and will always have, pain in my heart. I have a very select few friends who don't bat an eye at a chance to talk about Tyler. They don't try to push me into "getting over" it. They accept me and love me for who I am and what I've become, a bereaved parent. That status doesn't change over time. And those same friends would cry along with me today. They wouldn't look at me like a freak and expect me to put that pain away so they don't have to see it anymore. They understand that this is my new normal, this is my everyday, and I don't have to justify my actions or feelings to them.
To those friends, BLM's or not, thank you for not judging me and accepting every broken piece of me.