For mommas who are going through the stormy part of this journey, keep your chin up. I know people say that all the time, but if you don't, you'll miss the "fun" stuff. I can't say that I took for granted a single thing while I was pregnant, but I still miss it so much. I wish I could say different, but it's a hard and painful road. Being pregnant, bonding, feeling movement and even the diagnosis is all part of who your baby is and it's our job as mommies to enjoy and embrace it. Other than the actual goodbye (rip my freaking heart out), the second hardest part of this journey (for me) has been being true to myself. I had to dig down deep to find the absolute worst feelings imaginable and come clean to myself about them. I had to be honest with myself and say these are my feelings and this is why. It sucks. And there are bitter times when you are angry. I was mean, spiteful...actually wanted bad things to happen people. I can look back and see how ridiculous that was, but it was a phase and it passed. I had to go back to kindergarten and tell myself, "Brittany, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I bet the people closest to me can guess when I went through that stage. I got quiet and I wanted to be alone....A LOT.
Whatever feelings YOU are feeling, it's okay. Find somebody to that understands these feelings (I'm totally willing to be that person!), and let it all out. I found (again, this is just me, every person is different) that hearing myself out loud, helped me work through much of those extremes. When I heard myself say that I practically wished bad things on others, I immediately felt terrible. That's not fun either, but it ultimately helped because I got the "angry" and the "guilt" out of my system all at once! :D A quote that got me through those stages is "This too shall pass". I remember sitting in my living room with Jim, watching TV and just thought, "Here we are, watching TV like we always used to but now we know that our baby is going to die...." I could not FATHOM the idea that in a few short months, we were going to be in that same position, only I wouldn't be pregnant and our baby would have died. 8 months of pregnancy and an empty house except the dogs. But this too shall pass and in a few years, we'll look back again, and the pain will be less.
I also forgot to mention: The picture in Tyler's name gallery with the pyramids is in Giza, Egypt with the Great Pyramids in the background. There is an Egyptian saying that is carved on the walls of many of the royals' tombs that read, "To speak the name of the dead is to make them live again." Thanks again, Sheyenne! You can read about her angel at www.whitneyjill.com